


The Good Stuff

by Feneris



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Armin's a Drug Lord, Both Kinds, Community: snkkink, Crack, Drug Use, Gen, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-28
Updated: 2014-02-28
Packaged: 2018-01-14 02:52:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1250002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feneris/pseuds/Feneris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where, everything is exactly the same. Except Armin holds a monopoly on the Wall's drug trade.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Good Stuff

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another one of my SnK kink meme fills. The premise of this one should be pretty obvious. Took a bit of inspiration from some old sixties/seventies underground comics for a lot of the jokes. Hope you enjoy.

The story of how exactly Armin Arlert came to rule the entire drug underground of the Walls was a story shrouded in myth and mystery; due partial to the fact that he was twelve when he did it. All anyone really knew was that it involved cross-dressing, a redirected shipment of vinegar, two dead bodies later found floating face down in a latrine trench, and one man being dangled off the edge of Wall Rose by Mikasa.

Armin maintained his position by sheer virtue of being completely irreplaceable. He alone knew the secrets by which the various psychoactive plants, grown by a diverse and scattered collection of growers, was somehow turned into a potent narcotic and distributed to clients throughout the Walls.

And everyone knew, that if their would be hell to pay if the King and the nobility suddenly found themselves cut off. So no one dared dislodge the one person who was keeping it all together.

You can then imagine how the fear and terror that ripped through the underworld, when Armin and his friends joined the military.

\---

Keith Shadis glared down at the innocent blue eyes of the cadet, then down at the paper bag being held out to him. The bag was so innocent and innocuous, that it could only be filled to the brim with illegal drugs.

"What is that?" he snarled.

"Your usual," Armin politely replied. "You said to get it to you as soon as possible."

Shadis's frown got even deeper, and Armin could hear the cadets around him gulp in terror. Without warning, Shadis snatched the bag from Armin's hands, slipped it into his coat, and pulled out a wad of bills.

"Next time be more discreet!" he snarled, slamming the bills down on Armin's hand, before going off to terrorize some new recruit.

They say there is still a giant psychoactive cloud hoovering over the training complex to this day.

\---

Armin sold three grades of product. No matter what it was, it always fell into one of the three grades.

The Good Stuff, was pure, unadulterated mind-affecting substance. Checked for quality and potency. Not matter what form it took, it was guaranteed to be the best you could buy anywhere.

The Regular Stuff was exactly the same as the The Good Stuff, only Armin cut every batch with chalk dust, dried kitchen herbs, or ground acorn husks, depending on the product. He got away with it simply because almost no one knew what the pure stuff was supposed to even look like.

The Cheap Stuff was basically the regular stuff, only it contained the bare minimum of actual product. Just enough to keep the withdrawals at bay. Everyone knew The Cheap Stuff was cut, but the only people who would buy it were usually so desperate they would take whatever they got.

There was also a secret fourth grade, The Really Good Stuff, which was basically The Good Stuff, only Armin sold it in smaller batches for a higher price, and had is delivered in a discreet white envelope. The clientele for The Really Good Stuff consisted entirely of the upper crust of the nobility and the Royal Family, and basically served so that the clients in question could show off how wealthy they were.

Of course, Armin ended up being hit bad during humanity's chalk-dust shortage, and in fact was the only one who even noticed there was a chalk-dust shortage. He ended up having to invent an imaginary dope famine, and quadruple prices just to recoup looses.

\---

It was a curious fact that Armin and his friends were one of the few people, who never actually used his product. True, most folks in his position would have taken advantage of their easy access to drugs to indulge, but Armin was smarter than that. The more dope he and his friends smoked up, the less of it they had to sell. Not to mention that Eren had a low opinion of any kind of intoxicant and as a result didn't even drink. Mikasa followed his example, and Armin had see all to well in the people who bought The Cheap Stuff, just what the drugs could do to you.

That however didn't apply to their fellow cadets.

"What do you want?" Eren snapped as Jean sat down at their table. The question was largely rhetorical, there was only one reason anyone besides Eren and Mikasa sat down at Armin's table.

"I want to buy some stuff off you," Jean said quickly, glancing around nervously. "The Good Stuff."

Eren let out a snort. "You can't afford The Good Stuff horseface."

"Eren, please," Armin said placatingly. "I do hope you realize that The Good Stuff cost significantly more than The Regular Stuff Jean."

Jean wordlessly reached into his jacket and removed a massive wad of bills. It was a significant amount of money, more than a solider made in five years. Jean would have had to sell an organ, or murder a relative for inheritance money, in order to raise such a sum. "How much will this get me?" Jean asked.

Armin wordlessly reached into his bag and removed a small scale, a slip of paper, a pair of tweezers, and an innocuous bag filled with fine white powder. He placed the slip of paper on the scale, and reached into the bag with the tweezers. He removed a pinch of powder from the bag, a tiny pinch, and placed it one the scale. He peered at the reading on the scale for second, before sliding half the pinch back into the bag.

"I'm being rather generous, but that's more or less what you'd get," he explained, sliding the paper towards Jean.

Jean just stared at the tiny little half-pinch in dismay.

\---

Erwin's office was filled with smoke. It was so thick, Levi could barely make out the figure of Erwin leaning back at his desk, suspect cigarette in one hand.

"Shut the door please," Erwin said. "You're letting the smoke out."

Levi wordlessly complied, all the while trying hard not to think too hard about how much work it would take to get the smell out of his uniform.

"I must say," Erwin continued. "Arlert has really proven his worth to the Scouting Legion. I'm thinking of promoting him to my strategic team."

"You're just saying that," Levi choked out between smoke-induced coughs. "Because he's given you a "Commanding Officer" discount on all his dope."

Erwin took a drag of his "cigarette" and blew a stream of smoke into the already smoke-choked room.

"Maybe."


End file.
